Jit Sin Express

5 Useful Tips for CUTI CUTI MALAYSIA

Increasing number of foreign visitors during Visit Malaysia Year 2007; somemore voted the country with second most price competitive in Global Tourism. IT IS SOMETHING WE MALAYSIANS SHOULD BE PROUD OF.

So, in conjunction with the beautiful results for Tourism Malaysia, I would like to promote a list of VITAL TIPS OF VISITING MALAYSIA. *Applicable to foreigners only*

If you're living outside this country and would like to be a "successful" tourist to the majestic malaysia, there are a few FREE tips offered.


1. Bullet proof Kevlar vest is a must

"If you dont like, you can get out from Malaysia lar!" is a famous remark from our decent minister, targeting foreigner. I say he is a man of good manner to have said this, because if you're unlucky enough, you will get BOMBED. Do you think Al Qaeda terrorists are fierce enough? Nah. The Mongolian Actress is a proven example of foreigner to get bombed using a hand granade that is capable of bringing a 3 storey building to the ground as easy as farting out.


I think this one is not thick enough lar for ang moh.


2. Umbrella is a must

Malaysia is a land of hot tropical rain forest. Rain forest. Of course, the umbrella is not used as a door like some say they had to shit in that way in china. Well, trust me, you'll need it alot other than sheltering yourself under the rain. The newly built High Court of PutraJaya has SERIOUS leaking problem. The government quaters in KL have serious leaking problems. The newly renovated Parliament building has serious leaking problems. And you know what, according to our respected Member of parliaments, YB FongPoh Kuan leaks every month also you know? So what are you waiting for? Buy yourself an umbrella!
Ermm.. This type of umbrella is preferred. Can help trapping water on top of it.


3. Handbags? Carry it if you dare!

Anyone here knows what some malaysians do to the lady's handbags? Carry? nah. Hanging? your head lar. The popular term for it is to "snatch" lar. Snatch thieves snatching handbags from ladies happen so frequently that the Tua Kau in JB will just ask you to go home, instead of helping you to lodge a police report. Well, to me i'll not report it to balai also lar if i got snatched.. why ar? Feel lucky coz your head is not broken lar......

4. Kissing is prohibited - remember to bring along your marriage certificate

In a country where you need marriage certificate to stay in a same hotel room, never expect you guys and girls can kiss in the public ar...CHoi ChOi cHoI!.... According to Jabatan Agama Islam Selangor, kissing is an act of disgust and unlawful. Well, if you think this is awkward enough, please dont. You will know what does the word "awkward" when you read the last tips of today.

Q:Ever wondered why human sperms and eggs are not made to be visible by bare eyes?
A : This process MAY be prohibited by JAIS.

5. Do not die in malaysia, ever.

Especially for foreigners that carry the knighthood title "Sir" or even whoever that broke any world records like being the first to climb the Mount Everest, BEWARE. BE afraid. BE VERY AFRAID. If anything bad and unwanted tragic happens to you and you die in malaysia, instead of having your body transfered back to England, you might be buried in Malaysia with the tombstone reads :
Original name = George Bush , miraculously, he died as a muslim.

(additional news: an Islamic Shari'ah court ruled that Eng Gor, 74, also identified as Amir Gan Abdullah, was a Muslim and should be buried under Islamic rites. In fact, this guy never converted from his original religion to islam. Same fate with our Mount Everest Hero. Too Bad)



C Guevara